


Of coffee and music chords

by Yellow_Beacon



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Australia, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Chris is a panicked gay who wants nothing else but Felix's smooches, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Felix is a confident gay and his parents wants none of that, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Homophobic Language, Idiots in Love, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, and they were roommates (oh my god they were roommates)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:48:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26740117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yellow_Beacon/pseuds/Yellow_Beacon
Summary: Christopher Bang, 23 years old. Songwriter and music producer. Roommates with Felix Lee, 20 years old and a shooting star in the nearby dance academy. What can go wrong?Well, except for the fact that Chris might- just maybe- have a little (gigantic) crush and he has no idea how to tell and Felix, the ever so sweet but oblivious best friend doesn't know anything at all. Why would he? Chris likes girls... right?
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 13
Kudos: 88





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, I wrote the first chapter to this instead of going to bed on time (rip me) I'm gonna write a part two whether you want one or not- when that one will be written is... well, I'll see when I have time lmao. Please write a comment, it would mean a lot and guaranteed to get my ass moving to do another chapter. This idea just got stuck in my head this morning and I had to write something haha.  
> Much love ♥

“Chris, Chris, Chris!”   
Felix more or less barged through his bedroom door and Chris pulled out his headphones and tucked his beloved laptop to his chest like a mother would cradle their newborn child to protect it from harm.  
“What’s the bloody rush mate?” Chris asked and drew a sharp breath when he realized he’d been holding it,   
“I need you to be my boyfriend!” Felix answered, breathless as if he’d run up the five flights of stairs to their nearly too small two-bedroom apartment. 

Chris felt his lips part when his mouth fell open and he stared at his best friend while trying to process what the younger just said. He felt a small flush tint his cheeks. The demand caught him off guard, to say the least. A small flutter like a tiny birds wings gave way to a quaking feeling in the pit of his stomach.   
It wasn’t like he was in love with Felix or anything… it was just… he might- maybe- just have like a little- tiny- itty bitty crush on him… or whatever. But for reals, how could he not? Chris was convinced that every other person in school, no matter what kind of person they preferred in bed, had a small crush on Felix Lee. Chris himself had felt a little something for the past year when Felix decided to start working out and went from 'cute' best friend to 'chiselled' best friend and damn, Chris didn’t even consider himself gay but Felix was just… well, he was something else.

So he concealed it pretty darn well, tried his very hardest to not masturbate to the image of the younger straight out of the shower with only a towel that kept slipping off his narrow waist or the feeling of the other so close when Felix had dreamed a nightmare and wanted to sleep next to him even though their bedrooms where quite literally 2,5 meters from one another... but there were moments when he failed miserably, moments when the younger just arrived home after a long run and started to shed his clothes in the hallway and Chris had to discreetly close his door when he accidentally got a peek of the other's small bottom and his brain shortcircuited and he couldn't help arousal from blooming up in his body. Used the smatters of water against their tiled floor when Felix took a shower and tried to muffle his whines against his pillow while he fucked up into his own closed fist... 

Yep… he had it _all_ under control if he could say so himself. There was no way that Felix knew about it.  
No. His innocent sunshine Lixie had most likely no idea. His Lixie with his bleach blonde, nearly white hair and soft, kind brown eyes and his smooth sunkissed skin and the freckles on his cheeks and nose and eyelids. Freckles that showed up ever more intensely on other places like his upper arms, upper back and shoulders during the summer that had passed and Chris had been able to stare at them freely when they sat in the sand after being out swimming in the ocean and Felix had sand in his hair when he turned to give Chris a smile over his shoulder and Chris felt a sharp jolt in his stomach and-

“Chris? Hellooooo, earth to Christopher, anyone in there?”  
Felix actually reached forward to knock on his forehead and the weird action pulled him out of his trance,   
“Sorry” he shook his head and gave his friend an embarrassed smile, “I think I heard you wrong”  
“No, you didn’t. I need you to be my boyfriend” Felix answered, a bit distressed and pulled him to his feet. Chris just stared at him again but allowed the younger to take him away,   
“So, long story short- my parents are gonna be here in thirty minutes and I haven’t told them I live together with another boy and they asked if they were going to expect someone else since I’ve joked about someone, you, as my partner in crime and they seem to just have caught up with the ‘partner’ part of it and somehow I confirmed it and now they think they are finally gonna meet a cute girl but I- you know I can’t do that, right? I’m gay. I can’t have a girlfriend”

Felix had planted Chris down on the small two-seater sofa in the living room area while talking and now paced the barely three meters between the said sofa and the sink in the kitchen, muttering and rambling to himself,   
Chris finally put two and two together. Felix's quite absent parents were very Catholic, he knew that about them at least- like very, very. The kind that wanted Felix to marry young and with a proper girl and start working as soon as he was out of college so that he could provide for a soon to be family. They must be ecstatic when he started to talk about a partner and probably took the whole thing out of context and now Felix, the sly, devilish part of Felix that the older of the two only saw light off every other full, blue moon, wanted a bit revenge. Well, Chris was up for a bit of chaos, especially when it came to two middle-aged bigots who shouldn’t dip their noses where they didn’t belong.   
He stood up again, grabbed a hold of Felix’s shoulder’s which stopped the younger in his tracks, and gently cupped his face, flushed their bodies together and watched how Felix’s lips parted with a surprised gasp, mid-sentence of his muttered rambling,

“Well, let’s clean this place up then, love. We wouldn’t want your parents to think that I can’t take care of you, right?” Chris said softly, nearly whispering and Felix swallowed before he broke their gaze and broke free from the grip the older had on his body with a gentle swat of his hand on Chris’ chest,   
“Don’t do that again. It felt weird when you did it” he said with a pout and Chris let out a chuckle while he started to collect the dirty dishes on the table, left from the dinner they had yesterday and neither felt like cleaning because they had both arrived late from working their separate jobs- Chris as a songwriter/music producer in the making and Felix part-time as a barista in the cafeteria between Victoria St. and Darlinghurst Rd. just a few hundred meters from their apartment and halfway to the dance academy where he studied.   
“You’d have to get used to it. It was your idea after all” Chris stuck his tongue out while the younger grabbed a washcloth, stuck his tongue out as well and cleaned off their living room table before he put on some coffee and then rushed to collect the dirty laundry that laid here and there within their barely 55 sq.m living area.  
“Should I change?” Chris asked two minutes before they were planned to arrive and the younger gave his clothes, a dirty black tee and baggy shorts, a look before he grinned,   
“No, you’re perfect”

_You’re perfect. Not ‘it’s’ perfect, no. You’re. Fuck, fu-_  
The words resonated within him for just another second before a hard knock interrupted any other potential thoughts and Felix glanced over at him once again. There was a hint of hesitation, maybe even fear in his eyes, as if he regretted his decision to fuck with his parents but Chris gave him a bright smile and a thumbs up in a silent ‘you can do this’  
His friend opened the door and Chris stayed where he was, half-hidden behind the corner that separated the hallway from the living room and kitchen.

“What a cosy little place you have here, Felix”   
A woman’s voice came through, soft and warm and nothing like Felix had described her,  
“Yeah, with a big emphasis on ‘little’ and, oh! Ow Irene, no need for violence” Felix’s father complained and Chris bit back a chuckle, guess he now knew who the younger got the ‘small swat of the open hand across the other person’s chest when I disagreed with you but I think you’re endearing’ kind of motion.  
“Mom, dad. This is my partner in crime and life, Christopher” Felix said and motioned to him with his hand. 

Chris was glad that he was supposed to act happy and in love when he waved to the couple in his hallway who both stood with mouths that had fallen open while they looked from him to Felix- because he was unsure if he’d ever hold a smile from the shocked expressions on their faces.   
“But he’s…” Felix’ mother started in a deep sigh and raised her hand while gesturing in the air into Chris’ general direction.  
“We’ve talked about this on numerous occasions and yet here we stand once again. He’s a boy, Felix” Felix’s father started while he gave his son a disappointed look.   
“Yeah… I know” 

A very silent mind battle started between the three family members and Chris put the coffee on the table in the meanwhile, “Ok, I know that he’s, once again, not what you expected but he loves me very much and-”  
Felix’s dad physically gagged, “Son- please spare me the details. I don’t need to know about the two of you putting your genitals near each other. Your mother and I will take our leave. I do hope that you’ve come to your senses the next time we talk”   
“But-” Felix started but his parents had already turned in the door, closed it after themselves and Chris huffed when he poured a cup from the kettle before placing it in his friend's hand.

“Lovely people, glad to have met them-” he said with heavy sarcasm while he poured a cup to himself as well, softly clinked the porcelain with Felix’s cup and nudged him with his shoulder when the younger still hadn’t moved from his place, eyes still lingering on the door his mother had closed on him,   
“Is it too early to get a heavier drink?” he asked and Chris let out a burst of laughter,   
“Darling, it’s two pm on a Tuesday and you’ve still got homework to do”  
“Mm, I know” Felix hummed over his cup, not even protesting over the nickname Chris just gave him, drank his coffee as if it was water when he noticed that it was chilled enough and the older of the two felt a bit sick just looking at the motion, 

Silence fell upon them and Chris eventually got tired of waiting, pulled his friend with him, plonked him down on the sofa, took a packet of jellies from the cupboard and then sat down next to him,   
“It didn’t go as you planned, am I right?” he asked gently and Felix sighed,   
“Well, I dunno what I was expecting, really” he started and opened the package, plopped a few jellies in his mouth and pouted while he rested his head on Chris’ shoulder, “I suppose I wanted some kind of reaction, anger, disappointment or a ‘we’ll never talk to you again!!’ argument or anything rather than just… that… again” 

Chris hummed and stroked down the younger’s hair, absentminded while he watched how the light strands slipped between his fingers, felt the familiar stir of his heart when it picked up in speed just a little while Felix burrowed his face into his bicep, mumbling against his naked skin there,   
“It’s always the same thing, ‘you better change, Felix’ or ‘don’t want none of that gay stuff in our household, Felix or else your mother and I have to retract our responsibilities as your parents' and, dear God I'm so tired of it” he mocked his father’s tone of voice and then sighed, “It's exhausting... to be told who I am or who I should be” he looked up at Chris with soft eyes, “You wouldn’t want me to change, right? Even though you like girls and would never be with a boy? Right?” he asked and Chris swallowed.

Well. Just because he hadn’t been with a boy didn’t mean that he _never_ wanted to be with one… especially the boy who recently munched away on the candies Chris had saved for himself as a treat for him finishing the music project that was due tomorrow. Oh well. It felt better to know that they happily rested in Felix's stomach instead.  
"Of course not, Lixie. You're perfect the way you are"   
Felix hummed, slipped his arm around Chris' cuddled up against his side and sighed, "Let's watch a movie" he said and the older opened his mouth and was just about to remind his friend about homework but decided that Felix probably had time for that as well- later. He picked up the remote, handled it to his friend and said simply,   
"Anyone you want, little one"


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the sweet comments on the first chapter ♥ the update on this fanfic will be very sporadic and basically whenever I feel like writing one since I'm currently pushing nearly 5 k for "the fallen spear" as well haha. It will also differ heavily but I'm thinking around 1,8 - 2,3 k words so I apologise in advance if it seems jumbled.   
> If you enjoy this, please consider writing a comment, it doesn't have to be very long at all- I really appreciate them all anyway ♥

Dinner, two movies and mostly just silence between them passed within a few hours. It was nearly 11:30 in the evening when Chris looked over at his friend where he sat on the other side of the small sofa. Phone in one hand while he leaned on his side, his elbow on the armrest and chamomile tea in the other. He raised the cup to his lips occasionally, let out a deep sigh, closed the app he currently scrolled down- only to open another one and continued the process that had gone on for at least an hour. 

Chris flicked his own phone in his hand, spun it between his fingers while he looked back at the movie. It wasn’t very interesting, just something that was broadcasted on a regular national television channel and he quickly found himself glancing at Felix again. The younger seemed restless but exhausted at the same time, a trait that he had never really shown before and Chris noted earlier that it had started after his parents had left. He couldn’t help but wonder what his friend wanted from them. If there had even been a plan? Or if he just wanted to push them ever further away from himself?

“It’s impolite to stare, Christopher” Felix’s voice broke through and Chris found himself quickly look away when the younger glanced at him shortly before going back to his phone,   
“I wasn’t-” he started but quickly stopped himself again because it was clear that he actually _had_ stared. For an embarrassingly long time as well, “I- I’m-” he sighed, unsure of where he should even begin, “Are you… alright? he asked instead and Felix locked his phone, pulled up a pillow to his lap, abandoned the tea on the table instead and hugged the pillow tightly before he poked it feet out and dug them between Chris’ folded knees- seeking body warmth as comfort.

Chris jumped slightly at the harsh intrusion, gave his friend an unamused look which was replied with a pout and then just sighed deeply before placing a hand on Felix’s thigh.   
A gentle action between friends. Nothing special… and Chris didn’t feel any butterflies in his stomach when Felix glanced down on his hand and seemed to actually let go of some tension in his shoulders. Not at all… 

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” he asked and Felix gave him a small smile, just a stretch of his lips that didn’t reach his eyes at all.   
“I know, Chris. It’s- it’s just that… my parents” he stopped himself and looked down on his hands where his fingers currently fiddled with a loose thread in his hoodie (or well, Chris’ hoodie, the older noticed) “my parents uh-” he trailed off once again and Chris swallowed, grabbed a hold of the younger’s forearms and gently pulled his body towards his own. 

His friend landed with his head just below his chin and the older moved his legs to either side of him, completely enclosing him with his body. He was warm- the comfortable, cosy kind of warm you become after a cup of tea. Smelling of floral shampoo and cologne and boy and sunlight and- and just Felix.

Felix, who currently pressed his forehead into the side of his neck, tickling Chris with the bridge of his nose, pressing up to him as if he could sink into him.  
Felix, who was the kindest and sweetest person Chris knew off and absolutely didn’t deserve to feel bad at all, about anything, ever.  
Felix, who had been his best friend for three years now, roommate for two and high-key embarrassingly, awkward crush for one. 

“They hate me” the younger finally mumbled, fingers now tracing the zipper of Chris’ own hoodie, not caring about the fact that the older didn’t wear anything underneath while he slowly dragged it down to his navel and up again to get his mind off things and calm his fidgety fingers.  
Chris swallowed, tried to collect every nasty thought that immediately conjured up in his mind, pushed them to the furthest part of his consciousness and combed his fingers through the short hair at the nape of his friend’s neck instead. Felix raised his shoulders slightly when tingles ran down his spine but didn’t protest (he never did) when Chris continued, 

“They don’t hate you, Lix” he tried to convince the younger, “They are just confused because the life you want to live don’t follow along with their beliefs”  
“I know. I hate that part of me. I never asked to not like girls and they just don’t understand…” he sighed, “there’s something wrong with me and I can’t fix it” he pouted and glanced at Chris naked chest before he quickly looked away again, hastily pulled up the zipper and nearly caught it in one of the older’s nipples in the process,   
Chris jolted by reflex, coughed to cover it up and closed his arms tighter around his friend in case he’d get the idea of running away because he thought that Chris wouldn’t want him so close, “There’s nothing wrong with you” he gave Felix a warm smile, “if there would be, at least like 1 in 5 of the whole population would be fucked as well”

Felix smiled back at that, looked at him from underneath his dark lashes, pulled down the zipper entirely and Chis nearly choked on his saliva when Felix cuddled up closer to him, sneaked his arms around his now naked midriff and hugged him close, hands locking at his back and Chris had to manually take a breath before he closed his arms around Felix as well. He wanted to pull Felix into his hoodie, close it up again and keep him there, protect him, never let him stray far enough to get as hurt as he was at the moment- but he didn’t, obviously, because what would the younger say then? Thank you and goodbye was one strong contestant. 

They held each other like that for a while, until the movie was over and the end credits halfway from being finished, “I’m still down though... I mean, if you want to stick to the plan” Chris said which made Felix separate them enough so he could look at the older, 

“Really? You’d still be my boyfriend?” he asked with such happiness that Chris felt a small twinge of hurt in his chest,   
“Yeah, I’ll help you with your parents” he promised and ruffled Felix’s hair,   
“Good” the younger chuckled and the sound of it made Chris smile as well, “because it’s my cousin’s 18th birthday this weekend and I’ve been allowed to bring a +1. I wasn’t planning on going since I- well since I don’t have one but… I mean- if it’s ok with you”  
“Yeah, sure. I’ll just have to go shopping for a new dress shirt” Felix opened his mouth to protest then and most likely take back his wish but Chris just held him tighter, gently rocked him back and forth, “I need a new one anyway, so don’t even think about saying what you just thought” 

The younger kept quiet then, only hummed a bit while he followed along with the swaying and Chris swallowed hard, hoping that Felix didn’t notice how his heart picked up in speed and focused back at the tv, which had started up a sitcom he didn’t recognise.

They went to their separate rooms an hour later and Chris already missed the heat of Felix’s body, the sound of his evened out, soft breathing, the rise and fall of his chest against his own. He sat down at his computer, started up the software programme he used to create music and stared at the project that was due to tomorrow with a deep furrow in his eyebrows. It was basically finished, he just wanted to listen through it for a few more times to make sure that nothing else could be tweaked to make it better. Deciding to let go of the man in the other room and focus on what he was supposed to do was a good thing in theory- in practice, however, it was an entirely different story. He flipped a pen between his fingers, rubbed his eyes tiredly when the in-the-zone focus he was so used to getting never fully submerged him and constantly let his eyes wander from the screen to the open door that led down the short corridor between their rooms. 

Felix had gone to bed after he said goodnight and not even the fluorescent light from a phone could be seen from where he was seated. Chris looked back at the screen of his laptop, listened to the song a few more times and then gave up. Nothing more could be added and if there was more he could do, he would have to take that hit when his supervisors would review his work in the morning. He closed his eyes, dragged his hands down his face, sighed heavily and stood up, stumbled over to his bed, shed his clothes, plugged his phone into its charger and laid down in the bed.   
What time was it even? 1:00 in the morning? 1:30? He knew that he wasn’t remotely sleepy though- that was for sure. Laid wide awake for another few minutes and just stared up at the white painted ceiling, watched while the headlights of a few passing cars outside sent thin rays of luminescence above his drawn black-out curtains. 

He was cold, not the kind that would help if he added another blanket, but the one where he felt like he was missing a part of himself. But Felix was asleep and he didn’t want to wake him up by climbing into his bed since he had classes early the next morning… but then again, the younger never complained about them sharing a bed and claimed to actually sleep better when they laid tangled up with each other in a space that was way, way too small for them. He debated in his head for a long while and was so deep in thought that he didn’t notice the small padding of footsteps against the wooden floor until a voice whispered out in the silence,

“Chris? Are you awake?”  
“Yeah” he cleared his throat, a bit surprised but not unexpecting that the younger would come and visit and sat up slightly to see Felix in the doorway of his bedroom, barely visible in the darkness, “yeah, I’m awake” he assured again,  
“Can I…” the younger trailed off but Chris was thankful for the fact that Felix spared him off moving from his own bed, scooted towards the wall and raised the covers as an invite for his friend to slip under.   
“I couldn’t sleep” Felix continued while he put down his pillow, laid down and pressed close to Chris like a magnet finally finding its other half, inhaled deeply as if he hadn’t gotten enough air in his lungs since they parted and Chris felt his cheeks flush when he noticed that he did the same thing.  
“Me neither” he whispered back and placed his arm around his friend’s naked waist, trailed circles over the skin at his back and Felix hummed contently while he burrowed his face in the dip of Chris collarbone. 

Their legs tangled together like they always did and sooner rather than later, Felix was fast asleep against him with long exhales of air warming his neck. Chris smiled, leaned down and closed his eyes when his nose dipped between the strands of the younger’s blonde hair, nuzzled the place there and carefully planted a kiss on the crown of his head. Swallowed hard when a nearly agonizing pain slashed through him as if his heart was torn in two. 

Chris loved him. He knew that, _had_ known that for a year now when he couldn’t deny his feelings any longer. It was like this every time they were so close together- the best and worst thing in the world. Because Chris got everything he wanted since Felix appreciated their unrestrained and effortless skinship so much. Everything and it still wasn’t enough… because Chris wanted more- so, so much more.

Kisses on their days off when they shared a breakfast. Kisses, when he left for work and Felix, left for school. Kisses when they both came home after not having seen each other for the whole day. Kisses whenever.   
He wanted to see how Felix looked when he lost it completely. How his eyes would roll back when they made love. How he would taste when Chris took him in his mouth. How he would sound when he finally couldn’t keep it together any longer. 

He wanted it all, so bad that every day spent in the lie about him being satisfied with the way they were living was a day that he almost wished them to not live together at all… but then again, someone else would cuddle Felix as close as he always did. Someone else would see how Felix looked first thing in the morning, with his hair sticking out in every direction and with a smile on his lips before he even opened his eyes, body warm and heavy from sleep. Someone else would circle their arms around Felix’s waist while he stood in just a pair of gym shorts in the kitchen, making coffee or scrambled eggs or toast for breakfast. Someone else would be able to nuzzle their nose into the sensitive area just underneath his jaw and then hear how he would let out a small squeak at the ticklish feeling. 

Chris couldn’t have that. So he counted his blessings for the moments Felix allowed him to have. Nothing else really mattered other than the fact that his best friend could stay his best friend- which was also the main reason why he never wanted to say something. He didn’t want to lose their friendship, this magical thing they had between them. That would hurt even worse than all the things he couldn’t have.


End file.
